Dating in spanish culture - Dating in Spain : A Brief Guide to Dating in. - Spain Expat

And now the tables turn. In the game of poli y ladrón (cop and robber), as my suave friend Juanma Fernandez calls it, once it has been established that both parties are interested, it is the woman’s turn to do the chasing. For Juanma, allowing the woman to pursue means avoiding her phone calls, talking about other women in her presence, and even going as far as to fib about one’s availability to solidify the second date.

“Juanma, are you trying to tell me you would lie just to impress a woman?” I asked, horrified, as he drove me home from work one day.

Juanma squinted at me with his dark almond eyes and said, “Lorena, us Spaniards are very stubborn and like a good challenge. When we play, we play to win. If you score a quality Spanish woman, you are set for life with her.”

While I could perhaps fake busyness, I wasn’t altogether sure that I was capable of wearing a fake smile and listening to someone I liked drone on about another woman. It was not exactly feminist behavior.

“Each woman offers a new challenge, a new set of rules and at times, an entirely new ball game,” Juanma said. He then muttered, “Now, if only I could get my wife to play... ”

While one might expect Spanish girlfriends and wives to be submissive once they secure a monogamous relationship, the opposite is often true. Juanma’s wife, for instance, actively supports the Women’s Rights Movement in the Middle East and enforces a zero-tolerance policy when it comes to being late for their daily 3 . lunch. But to think, if she had been the one to initially approach Juanma in a bar, they may have never tied the knot!

As for me, marriage was the last thing on my mind: I was still trying to get a second date. After months of dabbling and learning through trial and error, I was slowly starting to come into my own, learning how to weigh cultural realities against my own values. It was a constant balancing act. I would play their game, but on my terms.

Eight months after arriving in Spain, I finally found myself on a second date—with a beautiful man, on a beach, under a full moon. The night was ripe for romance, by any cultural standards. I was thinking how the date could not be going any more smoothly, when he asked me the dreaded question: “I am really enjoying myself here with you tonight. Can we do this again sometime?”

I took a deep breath, then looked him in the eye and said in a clear, confident voice, “I’m enjoying myself as well. I would love to see you again.”

Dating in spanish culture

Dating in spanish culture